Thursday, January 31, 2013

Day 165: My first Love experience (Part Two)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to starting to swear when being angry as an expression of self when being angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to having learned this patterns of swearing when being angry from my friends/schoolmates and to some extent my father who participates in this expression of swearing when being angry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become vulgar in my talking/swearing and violent in behaviour, that is kicking/punching things around me, so that I release the emotional energy of anger.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to found this pattern of violence and vulgarity successful for exerting anger.
When and as I notice myself becoming vulgar and violent when experiencing anger, I stop and breathe.
I realize that there exist more appropriate and successful ways to exert anger, for example through breathing.
I commit myself to breathe through the emotional experience of anger, that is releasing the emotional energy of anger by conscious breathing until this energetic experience is over, so I can remain stable and aware in every moment in presence, directing myself in breath.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that vulgarity is the domain of the primitive people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge vulgarity as bad, negative and wrong.
When and as I notice myself creating wrong conclusions about any term whatsoever, I stop and breathe.
I realize that people who are vulgar aren't necessary primitive/violent/agressive and thus vulgarity and primitivism have nothing in common.
I commit myself to perieve vulgarity as neutral word, free of all the polarity charge and free of all the mindfucks connected to it, created within and as my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT to realize that anger exist within me because I am not allowing myself to take self-responsibility for me in living self-honesty.
When and as I notice myself starting to create the feelings of anger, I stop and breathe.
I realize that the energetic feeling of anger is the most typical energetic feeling of polarity within and as my mind and I create it when facing the frustration of any kind, mostly connected with my inability and this anger and all other kinds of anger are always in essence the anger toward self.
I realize that anger must be expressed not suppressed, otherwise it is a mindfuck within the mind which burdens, separates and thus sabotages the individual.
I realize that anger of any kind always leads to conflict.
I realize that I don't need anger to activate me and to motivate me for my process of self-change.
I realize that anger is an emotion like any other and of system in design and thus only burdens me, keeps me away from myself and separate me.
I realise that being angry with and at and exerting my anger towards and to something or someone separate from me: I am giving that very something or someone the power, acceptance and allowance, support and assistance to exist – instead of me taking my own power and standing up as who I am in assisting and supporting myself with self-honesty, self-application and self-forgiveness.
I commit myself to stop and in the final stage remove the feelings of anger within and as my mind and thus commit myself when experiencing the feeling of anger to just breathe it through and stay stable and aware in every moment in presence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to analyze our relationship over and over again after the breakup.
I am satisfied that I had an opportunity in my life to experience being in love to the fullest, some girl messing my head completely. It was a very unique and powerful experience that I will probably never experince again, being under such a neurotransmitter flood that was such a profound experience that no drug or any other factor can create it within and as the mind ever.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being blinded by the feelings of being in love and thus lose common sense, not realizing that the girl I was dating and me don't get along, because we were at this time pretty much introvert characters and thus didn't match as a personalities.
When and as I notice myself losing my common sense, starting to rely on the feelings and emotions, I stop, I breathe.
I realize that starting to rely on feelings and emotions is the act of self-dishonesty and thus the sabotage of me and my process which leads me to the inner states of polarity.
I commit myself that next time when I will be in relationship with a woman I will fall in love 'realistically', that is enjoying the 'chemistry', but not losing common sense that is being in love and being grounded at the same time, realizing that when you fall in love you actually fall in love with yourself – with your perceptions, ideals and illusions, which are trying to convince you the person you are in love with is perfect, without a flaw and the one for you and this experience of 'being in love' is only the function (system design?) of the nature that keeps the partners in a relationship together until they get used to each other and thus stay together and have kids so that the species continues, therefore I commit myself to realistically know the girl I will be in relationship with and enjoy in the expression of hers.

I am satisfied because I have never wanted/desired/needed to be in a relationship, probably because I get enough attention/support/love from my relatives and because I am self-sufficient to the extent that I don't need to be in a relationship to be fulfilled/complete/satisfied.

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